Catching Summer…….

summer. it was golden….. it was spent under the warmth of the sun, it was spent among wild peppermint and queen annes lace, among the pines and the magnolias…… we collected river rocks and feathers of every size and color……. we spent days of doing absolutely nothing and days that were so entirely full. coffee was consumed in the early morning hours, before the sun was fully awake. our home was teeming with life. with contentment. and some days, with calamity. life was life, summer was summer. it was rich. disastrous. plenty. peaceful. serious. whimsical. it was this and so, so much more. a summer with my babes. with new memories that will be stored deep within my mind. that i will grasp wholly, entirely. as we go into a new season that will arrive soon, we will take our golden summer and spill it into our copper autumn.

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** a recap of our summer in photos.

xoxo

i’ve been absent for quite some time…… i’ve been spending days and nights trying to catch my breath, dreaming, memory creating, raising babes, baking……. watching the days and nights run into one another, sweating under the summer sun, counting stars until i run out of numbers, battling to keep my eyes open so i miss nothing, allowing tears to flow…. unashamed, drinking too much coffee, constantly barefoot, making hundreds of crowns out of whatever i can forage, feeling hurt and mad and settling with just that, taking new days as they come, whether they be perfect or lousy…….. life, thats what i’ve been living……….

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live life, live in the perfect, the bad, the poor, the love………accept all of it and grow………. xoxo

i do not contain the dreams of most, but rather, dreams that belong to me, to my little tribe. i do not dream of a large house, or to bathe in money, nor to be arrogant and turn away from those in need, not to be better than. my dream is to have a modest and cozy home, windows open with the breeze filling my home with all things satisfying. to collect pieces that have stories, that are worn and fading away. to be surrounded by babes who find joy in the simplest of things, that require a whole lot of nothing to be quite simply pleased. to have a man, strong and gentle, by my side loving me for all of me, a man who wants to get lost in books and knowledge, who wants to continue to search my depths because he never tires and his love never exhausts, a man who wants to have a million babes because he adores me as a mama, he adores our children and that is the purest form of love to which we have created together. i dream to have the laziest of weekends spent making wild blueberry pancakes and french chocolate tarts. to nap on a generations old quilt underneath the trees. to make wishes upon the stars. to always explore nature and continuously be in awe of Him. to be surrounded in an aura of kindness and grace and thought too. to breathe in every glorious scent that surrounds me and never forget it. to teach my girls to garden and make fairy wands. to teach them to be secure and compassionate, to always love their beautiful selves. my guy to teach our boys courage and fortitude, tenderness and consideration. to graciously welcome any and all wisdom from those who have truly lived life. to make s’mores every summer evening. to sing and dance and be silly. to love and be loved. to stay up late and laugh. to have piles upon pile of pillows and blankets to invite anyone to stay a little while longer. to serve tea to our guests and encourage more memories. to capture fireflies. to marvel at our blessings. my dreams are made of these………..

i have included some photos that are so inspirational to me, that bring me a bit of simple joy……..

 

heart

http://www.barefootblonde.com/2014/08/baby-newborns/

http://www.diapersandskinnyjeans.com/2013/01/bump-week-23.html

.

http://www.freepeople.com/profile/FPKaci/pics/adventuring/?gallery=true&sortType=recent&filter=all

Fresh air

garden house

http://tarahurst.com/journal/2014/8/13/deep-cove-solitude

Saturday Love

saturday love

.

http://www.mylittlefabric.com/les-pancakes-de-laurent-jeannin/

xoxo

happy mothers day………

my life, in pictures

beignets

 

(French Market Beignets)

zaves art

 

(my oldest….a super proud moment! his artwork was chosen (among a lot of talented children) and displayed in our cities museum!)

waxflowers

 

(wax flowers…… one rule in my home, I must always have fresh flowers)

marshmallows

 

 

(Homemade marshmallows………a very exiting thing that I have turned into making a living out of, if your interested, please let me know so I can send you the link to my FB)

redvelvetmarshmallows

 

(red velvet marshmallows)

heartmarshmallows

 

(lovely heart shaped marshmallows)

roses

 

(a rose bush I inherited when we bought our home)

beautifulstarbucks

 

(my favorite coffee…….)

sidebraidthursdaylilli

 

(my Lilli)

blackandwhitelilahsparrownapping

 

(my Lilah and Sparrow taking a Winter nap)

bestfriendszaveandlilah

 

(best friends…… Xzavier and Lilah)

puresparrowmoon

 

(Sparrow Moon)

These pictures sum up my life…..baking, fresh flowers, coffee and my beautiful babes…….. life has been so very full, so raw and organic, moments of discovery, moments of over-coming and moments of succeeding.

………it’s been awhile…….

it’s been awhile………i have been craving the need to write…….i need it……..it nourishes my being. the absence is due to life happening. life has been wonder-filled. it has been full. it has been busy. it has been one for the books.

http://www.sundaylounge.com/#/wanderlustroad/

i have been busy at being simply amazed…….

amazed at chubby, berry stained hands

the same hands busy outside, not leaving one dandelion un-touched, the same little being that inherited completely, the saying “to be one with nature”

watching the free spirit that has lived so incredibly well within both my girls. watching them explore through their little life. enjoying the songs and hymns of butterflies and archaic fairies that they so often lovingly speak of during their play time.

watching my oldest shape into such an incredible and fascinating young man. his wonder for all things knowledge, his thirst for wanting to know more and more.

watching the difference between all four is simply lovely. to watch them intertwine with life itself is rather splendid.

watching them grow into individuals is completely rad and bittersweet at the same time. they can only grow from here, no looking back, no going back. it is my mission for all of them to know that every.single.day they are loved. i believe they will.

heart

http://simply-divine-creation.tumblr.com/post/101491473085/elena-koshkina

being a mother is so many things.

holding hands.

wiping tears.

teacher of life.

frustration.

sleeplessness.

bonding.

growing.

selflessness.

warmth.

chaotic.

peace.

unity.

strength.

courage.

bravery.

pain.

adventure.

encouragement.

emotion.

passion.

…….so many more……..

i have a bond with each one, different than the next. a bond that is heavily armored. i know whose footsteps belong to who. i know the difference in cries, whether it be hurt feelings or injury. i know their quirky habits. i know their wonderful birthmarks. their toes. their smiles. the depth in their very eyes.

heart

http://thepureskin.tumblr.com/post/109320999993/xxx-mcmxciv-jah-feel-baby-on-the-baby

i was meant to be a mother. God knew all along, obviously, even when i questioned it. silly me.

h e a r t

(Pinterest)

i hope to be back sooner to post a bit more. i have some more grand things i would love to share.

xoxo

i have dreams and hopes for the new year. not resolutions. i want to create a space that brings a bit of euphoria to myself and those around me. i have hopes of peace and unity, hopes of delight and exhilaration, hopes of passion and emotion.

i have dreams of enchantment…….of mystery……..of counting stars and wishing upon them in the summer sky. i have dreams of a renewal much like nature anticipates the return of spring and budding blossoms. i have dreams of a garden that has been nourished from the new rain. to have a garden so full of spiced aroma but with sweetness of honeysuckle.

i have a yearning to create more in the new year. whether it be a warm fig compote, late summer heirloom tarts………or putting together an arrangement of peonies and columbines……..finding the perfect antique piece that will grow with tradition and my babes.

the new year will bring more story telling……perhaps of the midnight fairies gently painting the petals to create the crisp fern and celadon  color they receive. or the reconciliation of the long feud between the fire breathing dragons and the archaic knights.

i have hopes that the new year brings elation for my children. i hope they learn and conquer new lessons. i hope they continue to grow in who God wants them to be. i hope to continue to be the tool that God has chosen to mold and nurture my babes. i want their personalities, their very lovely traits, to grow into something beautiful. i want them to retain courage and aspiration, to retain imaginations not to be limited, to retain confidence and tranquility.

this is what i hope and dream for in the new year………..

Garden House

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/5-things-to-try-this-month/

saturday love

http://sweetlovelyxo.tumblr.com/post/83898057246/b-w

SATURDAY LOVE

w o n d e r

http://courtmoly.tumblr.com/image/82394192934

wonder

Caramel-Dulce De Leche Marshmallows **made by yours truly shehimthem.wordpress.com http://wp.me/4BQbG

h e a r t

MAMA

http://growingwildly.tumblr.com/post/63870541173

7 Inspiring Quotes for Celebrating the New Year....the 2nd one is my favorite, but they are all good

Pinterest

 

each photo is quite allegorical to me, something to anticipate in the new year…..dreams, hope, love, growth, renewal, mystery, enchantment……..

with each new year brings a new chapter to your story. my story. our story. my new year will have a new voice………

……wishes……wonder……

im most eager and delighted for this weekend…..just like the year before and the year before that. Christmas of course is quite magical, but the days leading up to it even more so. the anticipation. the hope. the magic. these are the feelings that flourish within this home of ours.  its these feelings that we make wishes upon. that we grasp in our very hands and hold tight. tight enough to flow within our very being and hold in our hearts until next year.

winter fire

Pinterest

we will build a fire this weekend. creating a warmth. creating a cozy surrounding. listening to the wood crackle to its very own symphony. seeing the sparkle of the fire reflect back in my childrens eyes in a world of amazement.

Beignets Tiramisu with chocolate Ganache | halfbakedharvest.com

http://www.halfbakedharvest.com/beignets-tiramisu-chocolate-ganache/

as the fire gently fills each room with glow and compassion, so will the scent of French market beignets. i will home make these air pocket filled French doughnuts. warm, generously sifted with the snowy powdered sugar and served with raw dark chocolate sauce and fleur de sel caramel sauce. my husband will run to our cafe and grab us our favorite coffees and iced chocolate milk for the kids.

noel

http://soyouwanttobeaninteriordesigner.com/2014/12/welcome-december/

noel

Pinterest

wonder

http://crossingislandnatur.tumblr.com/post/79188982997/a-gentle-voice-called-out-from-inside-by-cilest

wonder

http://northwest-home.tumblr.com/post/65744540083

 

as our bodies warm and our bellies consume fullness, we talk. we tell stories to one another. stories of wonder, of dream. we dream up these grand ideas of moving to the forest. the snowy forest. where all you can see is the smoke dancing in the air above our chimney. a cottage surrounded by nature. nature that is raw and has been untouched. where we talk to reindeers and keep deer as our treasured jewels. where the pines grow and have an aura of peace and tranquility. where the forest floor is covered in the delicate dusting of snow, much like our beignets are covered in powdered sugar. we dream of ways to make these magical moments a truth. as our babes listen to such fairy tales, their very selves glimmer with wonder and awe.

10 best winter travel spots /

http://www.elle.com/life-love/travel/10-best-winter-travel-spots-610025#slide-1

decepticun:  Sequoia Trees California | Ramelli Serge http://atlandsend.tumblr.com/page/4

Beautiful colors (and subject!) #woods #snow #deer

http://umla.tumblr.com/post/40921557316

 

such talk has encouraged us to a winters walk through the woods, through the captivating forest where nature has naturally guided us through. where the crunch of pine and twigs fall underfoot. where our friends……the fawn, the wild rabbit, the winter fox and the snowy owl are delighted to be.

this is the magic of our weekend, to exchange our dreams and thoughts and to unite them into such an imagination. to encourage our babes to keep dreaming. to dream of these tales that their intelligent little minds have created.

we will continue our weekend in such splendor. we will laugh. we will love. we will imagine. we will anticipate. we will be thoughtful. we will make peace. we will share memories and make new ones.

we will be thankful. thankful to have days such as these. thankful to have dreams as big as heaven. thankful to God. thankful for Jesus.

noel

Pinterest

 

merry Christmas. merry Winter.

my week in pictures…..

my photos dont have filter, could be improved, would like to have a better camera. but these are my photos. something i would love to reflect back on in a year to see how much people have grown, to see where we are in a year and to see exactly what we are doing in a year. and maybe in a year, my photos and camera will improve.

weekofdec

my guy. my 9 1/2 year old love.

weekofdec (7)

my “little mom” my independent little woman. my almost 8 year old.

weekofdec (6)

my other little woman. my 5 year old. my girl who lives in a world of sunshine and butterflies.

weekofdec (2)

my 18 month old. silly boy. mr. personality. stubborn. cute as a button. and “auntie virj” one of my bestest. great woman. great “aunt” to my babes.

weekofdec (3)

decorated gingerbread

weekofdec (4)

more gingerbread

dont think we were going for looks on these ha!

weekofdec (5)

and my very favorite flower. a flower that can bring an insane amount of happiness to my life. the scent intoxicating. the beauty simple yet intricate. peonies.

my first born

i’ve got this guy……he’s pretty important stuff. he has hair as dark as a winters night, his eyes as equally dark…..not a darkness in them, but very kind eyes…..long lashes…..his eyebrows are pure perfection and his smile, well, his smile is warmth and truth. his skintone olive complected, his stature tall, lengthy and his whole being is full of strength. he does handstands…..daily……he has mastered this art and it really is a thing of beauty. he draws and writes amazing stories…….he is an artist fully and completely.

i look at him in awe. he’s mine. he taught me how to love. he taught me importance. he taught me good nature. he teaches me everyday…..goodwill, patience, generosity, humility…..all of these things and he hasnt the slightest idea he does.

my guy is 9……..9 1/2 to be exact. my oldest of 4. he uses manners that are hard to come by these days and it would be a lie if i said i couldnt help but feel proud at the constant applause from those that notice……the elderly who assumed manners are a lost art.

he has energy that one could certainly feel envious of. he is reserved and shy but will talk all day if allowed and fill your mind with knowledge, fill it so full of amazing things, mostly scientific. he is so incredibly smart.

his heart is absolute gold. he is incredibly lovely. a young boy who will become a magnificent young man. and he prays. not just says prayers, but he prays, he has talks with God and says for all to hear, he prays over his food at lunch at school and couldnt care less who hears.

my guy was diagnosed with adhd and dyslexia when he was 7. you think of adhd, you think of someone who simply cannot sit still, someone who is quite mischievous, someone who gets into trouble. not my guy. he was diagnosed on the lowest spectrum of it all. his dyslexia was more of an issue than his adhd.

to be honest…..it was a label i didnt want. i didnt want people to think negatively of my guy and i found myself praising every amazing attribute he displays, that he has within himself, in my own way i was begging people not to judge him. not to judge him for not reading in front of others because he was so damn shy, embarrassed for getting simple words wrong, embarrassed for only spelling his name right if he wrote it backwards.

it caused some complication in school and it didnt help that every teacher and his doctor continuously mentioned the use of medication. i was proud of myself because medication was not the route i wanted to take and i stood by my beliefs…..until a point was made that maybe, just maybe i wasnt making the best decision as a mother, i wasnt allowing him to reach his full potential without the use of meds. i felt crummy, i succumbed to those feelings and thought “oh my God……..i have unintentionally made him suffer because i wont put him on meds. who cares if drug use is an astounding much higher rate when he becomes a teenager. who cares that he may turn to theft, drinking, etc.” i mean, the drug they give these kids is speed……..it is literally speed……to a 9 year old.

people that once stood by my decision to not give him meds were now people telling me it was a chance for him, a chance to write correctly, a chance to not mistake b’s and d’s or m’s and w’s or to write his name…….not backwards.

so i did. we started him on meds.

the. worst. 2. weeks. of. my. life. i cried…….every night. i cried because he explained to me how much he did not like himself. he didnt care if he died. he was dumb. he was stupid. anything and everything he did, was done incorrectly. he didnt like the way he felt.

i told his doctor. she told me to pull him off the meds immediately. i told her i already had. she said it was not uncommon to have characteristics that were not the norm of that person. ridiculous.

i have an insane amount of guilt. insane. my whole initial thought on not giving him meds was because i didnt want him to think i wanted him to be like everyone else, to not be himself. i failed. i failed as a mother when he came to me crying and all i could do was hold him as i was secretly trying to convince myself that we were doing the right thing……we werent……..obviously.

he is who is he. he is a gift. a rare gift. something that God prepared for me and only me. there is absolutely no one in the world exactly like him. he is his own person. i never should have listened to those filling my head with thoughts that i was making a poor choice as a mother. i know best. he is my son, my baby and always will be.

i suppose there is a bit of humor that when it is mentioned about him with adhd to other doctors or parents with children that have more stern patterns of adhd, they all tell me the same “if your son has adhd, then we all do because i dont see it” . but so what if he does. i dont want him to change. i would never want to lose the kindness to his eyes, the quirkiness in his humor, his thoughtful nature, his sincerity, his honesty, his truth, his trustworthiness, and his love for us is ridiculously amazing.

do not second guess yourself as a mother. we normally know whats best for our children. and that means not changing who they are…..not changing who they are because of what society says, what others deem as “normal”

i did not breathe my entire life. not until my guy entered this world. he is my perfection. when i pick him up from school, i smile, i smile because he is mine, he is my son. he is a young man who is turning into something wonderful each day. he is setting an example to the younger 3…….to be loving, to be kind, to be patient, to care, to have a heart of gold, to love. i could simply not ask for anything more. no medication could possibly make him something more, he is something more……..all on his own. thank you God, thank you for this rare gift.

gouttes de pluie……….raindrops

“gouttes de pluie” = raindrops. rain. i have needed it so bad, almost as bad as our very dry land. my soul needed it. i too have been feeling quite parched, dried out even. but with the rain was brought something magical. i listened to it dance on the rooftop. it is a music that cannot be copied. i was alone in the house, my husband taking all of the kids out so i can nurse this migraine that has given me such a blow. it was peaceful. i had a candle lit, allowing a redolence in the air, a trace of mistletoe and kissed juniper with a slight hint of musk.

i was alone with my thoughts. i meditated for as long as i could stand it. i prayed. i talked with God. i was thankful. i was content. the rain was pouring, it was pouring as if the Heavens opened up the dove gray clouds and poured a vase of water onto us.

i just sat and listened at this point. i was completely marveled at the beauty of nature and i wanted to soak that feeling in. i wanted to feel it from my toes to my suffering migraine. gray skies have always brought a pleasantness to my life. rain……even more so.

it brings a sign of whats to come. shedding leaves, bare branches, plants with no flowering, will soon be green again. will soon flower again. this rain nurtures us just as much as it does our land. we need it.

rainy days bring a bit of whimsy and romance. a lit fire. hands……..one pair…. soft, pale, rounded cuticles with chipped nail polish…….the other pair……rougher, larger knuckles, scarring, …..both entwined with one another. expressing a love story that our hands alone could tell.

my babes so giddy at the sound of rain hitting their windows and exclaiming just how well they were going to sleep because the “beauty rain” (as they lovingly call it) is so peaceful. its like nature reading them a bedtime story.

thank you rain. thank you for nourishing us.

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