the inevitable is happening….right now, this very second. my babes are growing up. we know this is bound to happen, but maybe not quite aware how rapid. my heart is a bit anxious, worried, excited, heavy even? i have 4 “thems” and 3 of them head off to school next week. i know, i know, my babes are so young but honestly, i dont want to picture them as adults just yet, i want them to be kids, i want them to enjoy life in the genuine matter that kids can only seem to do. i dont want them to experience a world just yet plagued with problems that they just cant grasp, besides the basic algebra. is that wrong of me. i dont particularly think so. i will now have a new school babe, fresh off to kindergarten….and that is where my heavy heart comes in. i became a stay at home mom when i was pregnant with her, so she has never experienced daycare, nor has she experienced pre-school….i am, to say the least, heartbroken. and i can tell she is nervous, so of course i play it cool, tell her all the amazing things she will learn and all the friends she will make, but what if? what if every.single.kid in that school doesnt like her, like they absolutely should (in my opinion anyhow =). what if she gets made fun of because she cant quite pronounce her r’s. what if she has an accident at school because she fogets to use the restroom. so many concerns and thoughts and it only gets worse as the day approaches. and i may or may not would be okay with getting a call before school starts, that the school is no longer, forcing the kids to stay home with me (because apparently there is no other school they could go to in my mind haha, no logic there folks) my husband tells me all will be okay, she will do perfectly but its just in our nature to worry, to make sure every gosh darn thing goes perfectly and smoothly, even if i have to give the stink-eye to the kids who you just know are sketchy characters (yikes, i just said that!)
with this, i add a new 4th grader and 2nd grader to the mix. lilli (the new 2nd grader) is crazy excited, she has informed me countless times she wishes she could go to summer school. she is so book smart. however, she is excited to add to her ever growing list of friends. definitely dubbed ms. popular and she is what you would imagine i suppose pink.glitter.talk.smile.witty.personality.totally rad.
xzavier, x-man, x to the z, zave, whatever his nickname is for the day, he is my new 4th grader. and i.hate.it. hear me out and mothers of sons im sure you already know why. he is growing up. he has taken a liking to a couple of girls (i comletely just got sick typing that) i refuse to openly acknowledge it because also in my world, i shall be the only woman for him. he is my heart. him and i are crazy alike so it is not always fantastic when we are together. he made me a mother. he allowed a part of my soul to open to accept true love. he loves with his whole heart and i pray to God he will never lose that.
so, this is essentially my last week with just us for awhile. it will be sparrow and i. and for sparrow, i feel sad. he has counted on his siblings waking up each morning with him, loving him like a bunch of maniacs, spoiling him like i have never seen in my life and then one day, he wont have that, he will be stuck with me for 6 hours. my poor baby.
i am excited for my little loves, the journey of growing and helping them along the way, but it would be an absolute lie if i said i wasnt worried, afraid, concerned, protective and everything else that comes along with being a mama.
i already miss them
(this was my guy when he was 4, now he’s 9….and this was his smile)
(my girls, my new 2nd grader and my new kindergartener)
(sparrow at 4 days old)
(sparrow at 5 months)
(sparrow present day)
i need to find baby, baby pictures of my other loves….for this is how they will forever remain in my mind. i will surely miss our summer, lazy days, park trips, late movie nights, ice cream sundaes for dinner and so many other memories that i will hold very close until the next summer arrives to add more memories.