Lost….

I have this feeling of being “lost”….looking all around for that familiarity that I once knew. How did I lose my way? Would it make sense that doing routine things everyday, things that would appear familiar creates some sort of lost feeling.

What exactly did I lose….myself I suppose…..and I think that perhaps it’s okay when raising a family. I want to feel something…..have you ever had the slightest paper cut that by habit you would put slight pressure on just to feel the wound, to know that you can feel? I have……

I have been wanting so much to feel God wrap His love around me…….my whole being, to feel tingles because His love encompasses me so……I need and crave it. I have had quite a few convos with the Big Man upstairs as of late…..help me find my way….show me, dont allow me to become lost……..

I stopped looking for the familiar and just decided that hey, I’m kind of a lost soul, I didn’t want to be one, I dont want to raise my children while Im not even sure of who I am……but today, without looking, something familiar, something I once knew came back to me

There were trees outside with honeysuckle pink blossoms dancing like ballerinas, dancing to a song that the wind created as the light wind rustled through the leaves, a song that only nature could create, a song that was pure perfection. As I walked closer the scent of these blossoms filled me, filled me to the brim and it created an apparent smile that wasnt worth hiding from anyone….you see, the scent was my Grams, it was her….The smell was so familiar, it was a mixture of euphoric, magical, peaceful.

With the hue and scent also came along was a sense of calm….I was still within myself, allowing myself to just be, to recognize who I am and what I will be. I will have my own song that nature will create for me and my own dance to follow suit. I will not be lost, but positively free….I will enhance the teachings to my children, not to lose sight of who they are and who they will become…..they will become something…..and I will become the illustration to show them how.

Thank you God……thank you Grams for the song and dance

 

DREAM GARDEN

(Kiara de Krosse via Pinterest)

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One thought on “Lost….

  1. I cried when I read this. You truly have a gift to write and share your thoughts. I’m so glad Grams came to visit you. She truly had a calm spirit and loved you so much! Let that gentle spirit come out because you my sweet girl have the same spirit. God gave you a gift today and that my sweets was god wrapping his arms around you.. Psst… You let him.. Love , love Mom

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