These Days…..

I was having one of “those” days…Well, more like a month, two even. Let me go back real quick to what made me post this subject….We all see it, the posts, whether it be Facebook, Blogger, whatever social media is out there. You know the parents who continuously post how their world is nothing but sunshine and butterflies, you know the ones who claim that even when their child is throwing up everywhere, throwing tantrums like a crazy person, they feel so blessed….what? I would like to point out that they are lying ha! There, I said it!
Im not here to scare the people who absolutely long to be parents, nor am I suggesting that I dont feel blessed, because I am, extremely blessed, but I will be honest too.
My older 2 have been fighting NON-STOP, my youngest daughter has been quite independent, a little too much and my little man has these tantrums that I have never experienced with my other 3. Sparrow (my 13 month old) has been on antibiotics 3 times in a month and a half and yes people, I breastfeed, like truly breastfeed, Im the one people make fun of for nursing my kids for 2 years 😉 He has not slept through the night NEVER EVER…..He screams at everyone who even looks his way, because they are not mama, he bites when he gets angry…..
The older 2, Xzavier and Lilli I truly believe wake up with this mindset to make each other miserable, like they cant go on with life until they see one another in such anguish. sidenote, I think Lilli would love nothing more than to just clock her brother one time and quite truthfully, I may look the other way if she did. The fighting is ridiculous, even more so, the things they fight about….who fights over chalk? Or the naming of a stuffed animal…..that isnt even theirs?? my kids, thats who
Now my youngest daughter Delilah, who I call “my woman”….Her world is sunshine and butterflies and I pray she always remains that way, but she is aloof, she is not aware of her surroundings, she cant stand still when I do her hair, which by the way, both girls hair is past their waist, never had a haircut, nope, not one…anyhow, she looks down when we are in the parking lot, she is extremely loud when she talks and so heavyfooted, I cant tell you how many times I was so happy to have Sparrow down for a nap, but here comes Delilah walking like a crazy person on our hardwood floors and all the creaks that come with it and he would wake up in this hysterical daze, screaming bloody murder. And when Delilah gets mad….boy she gets mad.
The dog threw up all over the bricks on the fireplace and I can still smell it when I go over there…..2 weeks later!
I have scars, actual scars from the legos on the bottom of my feet…..why do I have scars from toys that are “safe” for children. I find myself always reminding the kids “put away crayons, put away crayons” but for some reason Sparrow has his healthy dose to snack on….(scratch paper too).
I have not been able to actually eat a meal that was not leftover from kids food in quite some time. I take a shower at night and my kids ask me questions as Im in the shower and not dad.
I get invited to go places, where am I going to go with hair that hasnt been washed in 3 days (okay, more like 5), some sort of food stuck in it and dont let me mention how often Im able to shave my legs. I lose my temper and my patience, I scold my kids, I sometimes want to go to sleep and not wake up for 3 days and guess what, I stuff my face with chocolate and when asked by my kids if Im eating something…no, no Im not is how I kindly reply 😉 I want to drink my chai tea in the morning and not have to warm it up at least 4 times and drink it over a 2 hour period, Im pretty sure it goes bad by then, oh well.
I am told by my friends that they want to be the same kind of parent like me….why? And I look at my kids and beside their “off” days, my kids are well behaved, polite, use their manners, are amazing with other kids, share. I have great kids, I know I do, but I know life is chaotic and will never make other parents feel they are doing something wrong by portraying this fake outlook. I have a secret….sometimes I think “what would life be like without kids?” I wont step on legos, I will be kind to society and wash my hair ( & shave ha!), I will eat a decent meal and enjoy every bite, I will take a shower…and take as long as I want, I will drink at least 2 cups of chai tea in a timely manner, I wont hear bickering, I will sleep…ALL NIGHT. If I had a life without kids, I wouldnt have that pure laughter that only kids have, my home would be empty, I wouldnt have that unconditional love, I wouldnt have those days of “firsts”….walking, talking, growing, I wouldnt experience their accomplishments and proud moments, I wouldnt have that LOVE that some people sadly will never experience. I cant imagine life without my children….I breathe them.


One thought on “These Days…..

  1. Oh, Ashley…
    I am so glad you have found me, I have thought of you often and your newest sparrow in your nest. Again I love his name, a friends daughter named her son finch so there’s another name for you just incase you need it.
    I was so excited to see your visit, and knew right away who you were, I did have some trouble linking back to you when I clicked onto your comment name, the google page came up empty so I then typed in your name and you came up. Not being that familiar with you page layout i looked around in how to leave you a comment and then clicked the dark tab taking me to the option to leave you a reply. Thank goodness, I so wanted to be able to get back with you and see how you are doing and what you have been creating.

    I am going to go back read over the older postings and do a bit of catching up with you.
    Please do visit as often as you’d like, I will most certainly visit you.

    A beautiful weekend to you.


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