i’ve been absent for quite some time…… i’ve been spending days and nights trying to catch my breath, dreaming, memory creating, raising babes, baking……. watching the days and nights run into one another, sweating under the summer sun, counting stars until i run out of numbers, battling to keep my eyes open so i miss nothing, allowing tears to flow…. unashamed, drinking too much coffee, constantly barefoot, making hundreds of crowns out of whatever i can forage, feeling hurt and mad and settling with just that, taking new days as they come, whether they be perfect or lousy…….. life, thats what i’ve been living……….

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live life, live in the perfect, the bad, the poor, the love………accept all of it and grow………. xoxo

i do not contain the dreams of most, but rather, dreams that belong to me, to my little tribe. i do not dream of a large house, or to bathe in money, nor to be arrogant and turn away from those in need, not to be better than. my dream is to have a modest and cozy home, windows open with the breeze filling my home with all things satisfying. to collect pieces that have stories, that are worn and fading away. to be surrounded by babes who find joy in the simplest of things, that require a whole lot of nothing to be quite simply pleased. to have a man, strong and gentle, by my side loving me for all of me, a man who wants to get lost in books and knowledge, who wants to continue to search my depths because he never tires and his love never exhausts, a man who wants to have a million babes because he adores me as a mama, he adores our children and that is the purest form of love to which we have created together. i dream to have the laziest of weekends spent making wild blueberry pancakes and french chocolate tarts. to nap on a generations old quilt underneath the trees. to make wishes upon the stars. to always explore nature and continuously be in awe of Him. to be surrounded in an aura of kindness and grace and thought too. to breathe in every glorious scent that surrounds me and never forget it. to teach my girls to garden and make fairy wands. to teach them to be secure and compassionate, to always love their beautiful selves. my guy to teach our boys courage and fortitude, tenderness and consideration. to graciously welcome any and all wisdom from those who have truly lived life. to make s’mores every summer evening. to sing and dance and be silly. to love and be loved. to stay up late and laugh. to have piles upon pile of pillows and blankets to invite anyone to stay a little while longer. to serve tea to our guests and encourage more memories. to capture fireflies. to marvel at our blessings. my dreams are made of these………..

i have included some photos that are so inspirational to me, that bring me a bit of simple joy……..

 

heart

http://www.barefootblonde.com/2014/08/baby-newborns/

http://www.diapersandskinnyjeans.com/2013/01/bump-week-23.html

.

http://www.freepeople.com/profile/FPKaci/pics/adventuring/?gallery=true&sortType=recent&filter=all

Fresh air

garden house

http://tarahurst.com/journal/2014/8/13/deep-cove-solitude

Saturday Love

saturday love

.

http://www.mylittlefabric.com/les-pancakes-de-laurent-jeannin/

xoxo

happy mothers day………

Mothers Day Gift Guide 2015

May is beautifully busy for me. My youngest turning 2, antique faire’s and of course Mothers Day! I wanted to share some gift ideas (perhaps hoping my hubbs will read this and get some hints)

I have some very special ladies in my life who I cannot wait to have brunch with, to honor them, for them to truly know how amazing they are! I know how appreciative I am to be a Mother and it is extremely important for the others mama’s to feel appreciated and appreciative!

by Curious and Co.  Like the variety of label treatments (especially the top right one!)

http://www.lollialife.com/

I LOVE, LOVE these products. My personal favorite is the RELAX scent. I bought my mama a mini-sized perfume last year and she absolutely loves it

Put tea leaves and honey inside a tea basket for the tea lover in your life www.longaberger.com/pamelagoldhammer

http://www.longaberger.com/

I know a lot of wonderful mama’s in my life love tea. Hot, iced, extra sweet, etc. I love the idea of providing a vintage inspired mug and a carton of pre-mixed Chai Latte Tea and a glass mason jar equipped with flavored mixed ice tea. This would make such a wonderful gift basket, but to go the extra mile, add some lavender or vanilla bean infused sugar and/or some delightful little honey pots. A coffee basket would be wonderful too……..

Gifts, Gifts, Gifts! | Mrs. Fancee

http://mrsfancee.com/gifts-gifts-gifts/

I love this idea….. I am a fan of the products Mrs. Meyers and J.R. Watkins, they are “green” companies and have the most delicious garden and nature inspired scents. I would add a lovely hand soap, a related real live plant (Lavender, Mint, Basil), ultra soft hand soap and a beautiful candle.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/84388835/bee-bookplates-digital-printable-pdf?ref=shop_home_active_9

Honey Bee - 8x10 Art Print

https://www.etsy.com/listing/124153662/honey-bee-8×10-art-print?ref=sr_gallery_41&ga_search_query=honey+bee+prints&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

Clove and Honey Lip Balm // All Natural

https://www.etsy.com/listing/196768673/clove-and-honey-lip-balm-all-natural?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_query=honey+lip+balm&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

Bee Mine Soap, Handmade Goat Milk Beeswax and Honey Soap, Organic Gold Honey Soap, Kitchen Soap, Synergy Soap, Gourmet Soap, Love Gift Soap

https://www.etsy.com/listing/150692901/bee-mine-soap-handmade-goat-milk-beeswax?ref=sr_gallery_12&ga_search_query=honey+soaps&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

Beeswax Candle Collection - antique bottle shaped - "Atlas Mason Jar, Vaseline and Milk Weed Cream" - by Pollen Arts - Md. & Sm..

https://www.etsy.com/listing/99112329/beeswax-candle-collection-antique-bottle?ref=shop_home_active_5

A couple of things about me, I love bee’s and I love Etsy. As a self-proclaimed gardener, I know and understand the importance of honey bees. And as someone who supports small business’s and handmade, I love to buy from Etsy. You could truly pick any theme for nature lovers, such as butterflies, beetles, birds, the list goes on and you could find it all on Etsy.

………. New mama’s or mama’s to be? These special ladies need a lot of support, both during and after.

Pack of Three Natural Lip Balms

https://www.etsy.com/listing/168758155/pack-of-three-natural-lip-balms?ref=sr_gallery_16&ga_search_query=natural+lip+balm&ga_page=3&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

When I was my last trimester and during labor, my lips were so ridiculously chapped. New mama’s would be so thankful!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/226538289/cotton-crocheted-baby-blanket-natural?ref=shop_home_active_17

A soft, inviting blanket for the babe would be delightful!

Certified Organic Postpartum Bath Herbs-New Mom, Sitz Bath, New Baby, New Mom Gifts, Postpartum Healing, Herbal Soak, Baby Shower, Healing

https://www.etsy.com/listing/174193376/certified-organic-postpartum-bath-herbs?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_query=new+mom+gifts&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

This bath soak would ease the new mama and provide gentle relief………

There are so many thoughtful ways to show gratitude that go beyond gift cards and a bouquet of flowers. You can choose virtually any thing and roll from there…… gardener? buy some ready to plant petunias, seed packets, gardening gloves and vintage inspired watering can. baker? buy some fun baking cups, essential extracts, sprinkles, recipe cards. glamour girl? nail polish (Butter London my personal fave) lip stain, hair accessories, bauble rings, delicate necklace, retro sunglasses. Get started now and you can come up with some amazing things!!

Happy (early) Mothers Day! xoxo

my life, in pictures

beignets

 

(French Market Beignets)

zaves art

 

(my oldest….a super proud moment! his artwork was chosen (among a lot of talented children) and displayed in our cities museum!)

waxflowers

 

(wax flowers…… one rule in my home, I must always have fresh flowers)

marshmallows

 

 

(Homemade marshmallows………a very exiting thing that I have turned into making a living out of, if your interested, please let me know so I can send you the link to my FB)

redvelvetmarshmallows

 

(red velvet marshmallows)

heartmarshmallows

 

(lovely heart shaped marshmallows)

roses

 

(a rose bush I inherited when we bought our home)

beautifulstarbucks

 

(my favorite coffee…….)

sidebraidthursdaylilli

 

(my Lilli)

blackandwhitelilahsparrownapping

 

(my Lilah and Sparrow taking a Winter nap)

bestfriendszaveandlilah

 

(best friends…… Xzavier and Lilah)

puresparrowmoon

 

(Sparrow Moon)

These pictures sum up my life…..baking, fresh flowers, coffee and my beautiful babes…….. life has been so very full, so raw and organic, moments of discovery, moments of over-coming and moments of succeeding.

…….warm……..

i feel warmth in the air…….the blooming buds tell me so. the sparrows and bluebirds tell me so with their canticle’s and lullaby’s. the incense of bladed grass, the scent of classical wisteria, the scent of honeyed transudation………tells me so.

goose-bumps feel my arms, feel them with the compassion that this warmth brings. i hear, but more importantly listen to the nature that surrounds me. i dig my hands into the soil, where the sun has lovingly created a tepid febricity. i include my children to acknowledge all that is lovely. all that God has created for us. for us to adore……to savor.

i devote so much attention to my children, to make sure they fully comprehend the beauty that surrounds us. in so many small ways. the un-dotted lady bugs that surround freshly sprouted clovers. the elderly we are so lucky to catch in their lessons of wisdom……showing us how to truly appreciate the thorny rose bush. watching the petite birds very meticulously pay mind to their surroundings as they gather their food. planting our fruits and veggies and excitedly awaiting their arrival, swearing they grow over-night, but also becoming impatient with fingers crossed and wishes made. all of this…….absolutely all of this, is what i want my children to know.

i look forward to so many things with this warmth………

vanilla bean ice cream with roasted strawberries and rhubarb

http://emmaduckworth.com.au/vanilla-bean-roasted-strawberries-rhubarb-popsicles/

a bowl of vanilla bean-roasted strawberry and rhubarb ice cream. i want to taste this incredibly well, on the most of sunny days.

MAMA

http://growingwildly.tumblr.com/post/63870541173

MAMA

Pinterest

to protect and nourish my children. watching them grow. savoring the moments.

Bohemian floral Print.

torchlightjewelry.com

grabbing a hat and a lightweight blouse on those breezy warm days

love

http://threadsence.com/Blog/the-ultimate-showdown/

on those days where i need to be just me, with only me…..reflecting in Gods country.

dream garden

http://sewindie.com/blog/2013/5/10/03lvqon2s529u6dm17pddprayj7whr

surrounding myself with the scent of Heaven

wonder

http://nonconspiracyorchestra.tumblr.com/post/101098805919/danielodowd-barrut

…..following a path to something amazing…….incredible…….

xoxo

………it’s been awhile…….

it’s been awhile………i have been craving the need to write…….i need it……..it nourishes my being. the absence is due to life happening. life has been wonder-filled. it has been full. it has been busy. it has been one for the books.

http://www.sundaylounge.com/#/wanderlustroad/

i have been busy at being simply amazed…….

amazed at chubby, berry stained hands

the same hands busy outside, not leaving one dandelion un-touched, the same little being that inherited completely, the saying “to be one with nature”

watching the free spirit that has lived so incredibly well within both my girls. watching them explore through their little life. enjoying the songs and hymns of butterflies and archaic fairies that they so often lovingly speak of during their play time.

watching my oldest shape into such an incredible and fascinating young man. his wonder for all things knowledge, his thirst for wanting to know more and more.

watching the difference between all four is simply lovely. to watch them intertwine with life itself is rather splendid.

watching them grow into individuals is completely rad and bittersweet at the same time. they can only grow from here, no looking back, no going back. it is my mission for all of them to know that every.single.day they are loved. i believe they will.

heart

http://simply-divine-creation.tumblr.com/post/101491473085/elena-koshkina

being a mother is so many things.

holding hands.

wiping tears.

teacher of life.

frustration.

sleeplessness.

bonding.

growing.

selflessness.

warmth.

chaotic.

peace.

unity.

strength.

courage.

bravery.

pain.

adventure.

encouragement.

emotion.

passion.

…….so many more……..

i have a bond with each one, different than the next. a bond that is heavily armored. i know whose footsteps belong to who. i know the difference in cries, whether it be hurt feelings or injury. i know their quirky habits. i know their wonderful birthmarks. their toes. their smiles. the depth in their very eyes.

heart

http://thepureskin.tumblr.com/post/109320999993/xxx-mcmxciv-jah-feel-baby-on-the-baby

i was meant to be a mother. God knew all along, obviously, even when i questioned it. silly me.

h e a r t

(Pinterest)

i hope to be back sooner to post a bit more. i have some more grand things i would love to share.

xoxo

she+him…….giving up…..pushing forward

a friend told me recently “you may feel differently, but your marriage is a success. you’ve been married for 10+ years……..that is successful”

i have never looked at it like that. ever. we have fought. we have been hurt. from each other, from others. and we can both agree the hurt that happened was majority from him. we have “thrown” out the idea of maybe not continuing the marriage, definitely more me than him. no longer seeing positive attributes. no longer getting those butterflies in the pit of our stomach. he worked much, much harder at impressing others, bending over backwards for them and i received little if any effort. while i sat back, despised what has become. holding every grudge and remembering every. single. thing that i ever felt slighted by, unable to forgive, harboring every emotion that brought no positivity, so much that i became sick. a few times. lack of trust. lack of truth. more hurt. more anger.

someone telling me that our marriage was a success or considered one, i was a bit amused. at first.

i thought about. truly paid attention to it. i still am. i still do. negativity is one of those poor emotions that we allow to affect, alter, influence us more than positivity, alacrity, eagerness.

he has never laid a hand on me. has not ever threatened to. i have always admired the amount of patience that man contains. but other things have been a bit of a plague.

as i sat and pondered that statement, i realized that there were a few naysayers. those who went as far as to encourage a collapse, a demise even. friends. family. those same naysayers existed before the marriage. they tried then and that had no bearings on us. we loved one another truly and wholly.

it is important to both him and i to set examples for our 4 children. to lead with love. to lead without anger. to lead with respect.

separating from the negativity of others. we live in a world where everyone seems to have at least one divorce under their belt. in an environment where one person gets mad and its ground for separation. for divorce. where “hollywood” appears to have so much say in ones’ relationships. my goal has always been to defy the odds. to show our kids that marriages can and do last. but how sad that defying the odds means not getting a divorce. i do not condone however, certain behaviors from individuals that should definitely result in one leaving, i am not against divorce, i just dont think that divorce should be used so immaturely and just because it is there. because thats how we’ve been led by example, get divorced and remarried a couple of times.

marriage is a guaranteed difficult, laborious, demanding, challenging thing. marriage is also admirable, phenomenal, lovely, pleasing. we signed up for “for better or for worse”. we did. not i. not he. WE. we made the decision to accept one another as we were. we made the decision to raise a family. we made a decision to grow old with one another.

we also remember that we make mistakes. we always will. but we learn form them. we must forgive (i need to forgive). each new day  God has blessed us with, should be treated as such. a new day. we need to remind ourselves that marriage is tough and will prove to be so. we also need to relive the good and encourage much more goodness in our lives. we cannot surround ourselves with people who would enjoy nothing more than fail at our marriage, what an abashment. we need to grow stronger as one. we need to support one another. we need to focus on the needs of one another, not those of others, focus on the needs to grow together, to grow in an absolute positive glow. we need to inspire others, our children and each other.

my husband will grab me with dramatic force, only what is seen in the very early black and white movies between 2 passionate lovers…..and whisper to me “…..we will be fine. we will make it….” he whispers it with such certainty and conviction. he kisses my eyelids so gently and softly. he always, i mean always saves the cherry for me from his sundaes. he holds the door open for me, no matter where we go. he calls me while he is at work to tell me he loves me and quickly hangs up, like a young boy and his first crush. he has wiped my tears, numerous times. he faithfully rubbed my feet through every.single.pregnancy. i love the strength of his arms. i love our children that we created together. that we created out of love and nothing could be more pure.

marriage is tough. but it is worth it. realizing, accepting, hope, faith, courage, forgiving and finding those lost butterflies……….

xoxo

Real love is a choice be together for each other...No one else but each other!

 

……….in our own world…………

the children laugh and play. they are inspired by fairy tales. she does laundry and the intoxicating scent of lavender fills the air. music is playing in the background. music encouraging thoughts of past and dancing amongst the little one. watching the babes twirl about. one of the littles dreaming up the idea of picnic-ing underneath the summer stars. another making a pretend menu of all that is gloriously coated in chocolate and sprinkles. the oldest babe writing down these soon to be famed stories that only he can conjure. puppet shows are acted in and a steady applause from mom and dad brightens those genuine smiles even more so. she has a baby on her hip and he lovingly lays his head in the warmest part of her neck. cuddled close to her. she smells his hair and the tranquil scent is completely captivating. outside is wonderfully dreary. gray and cold. misty and still. their house is warmth, as usual. the oven contains that of fresh baking bread, with the aroma of sea salt and rosemary. candles flicker in each room and create the most delicate and alluring backdrop against the slate colored sky. fresh flowers in each room, a promise of whats to come, a promise of a garden that will soon flourish. a garden that will provide nourishment for our bodies and soul. i watch him as he teaches our boys a certain knowledge that only a man can and i am thankful. thankful that my boys have someone who teaches them in ways that cannot be told, but rather what they see. i watch my girls as they gently put their aprons on and frequent the question “mama, can i help?” a superb gratification that affects them when they know they help mama bake the infamous raw cocoa muffins that make us beam. when i watch my older girl contain this compassionate nature towards the little one, knowing that she will be the epitome of a mother. the fire is built in our grand brick fireplace and the essence of burning wood is a bit heaven sent. as mama sits down to nurse the little one, all nestled and cozy, it is in these moments that life is awe-inspiring. life is worth it. to be surrounded by tenderness and affection is quite simply lovely.

xoxo

w o n d e r