a friend told me recently “you may feel differently, but your marriage is a success. you’ve been married for 10+ years……..that is successful”
i have never looked at it like that. ever. we have fought. we have been hurt. from each other, from others. and we can both agree the hurt that happened was majority from him. we have “thrown” out the idea of maybe not continuing the marriage, definitely more me than him. no longer seeing positive attributes. no longer getting those butterflies in the pit of our stomach. he worked much, much harder at impressing others, bending over backwards for them and i received little if any effort. while i sat back, despised what has become. holding every grudge and remembering every. single. thing that i ever felt slighted by, unable to forgive, harboring every emotion that brought no positivity, so much that i became sick. a few times. lack of trust. lack of truth. more hurt. more anger.
someone telling me that our marriage was a success or considered one, i was a bit amused. at first.
i thought about. truly paid attention to it. i still am. i still do. negativity is one of those poor emotions that we allow to affect, alter, influence us more than positivity, alacrity, eagerness.
he has never laid a hand on me. has not ever threatened to. i have always admired the amount of patience that man contains. but other things have been a bit of a plague.
as i sat and pondered that statement, i realized that there were a few naysayers. those who went as far as to encourage a collapse, a demise even. friends. family. those same naysayers existed before the marriage. they tried then and that had no bearings on us. we loved one another truly and wholly.
it is important to both him and i to set examples for our 4 children. to lead with love. to lead without anger. to lead with respect.
separating from the negativity of others. we live in a world where everyone seems to have at least one divorce under their belt. in an environment where one person gets mad and its ground for separation. for divorce. where “hollywood” appears to have so much say in ones’ relationships. my goal has always been to defy the odds. to show our kids that marriages can and do last. but how sad that defying the odds means not getting a divorce. i do not condone however, certain behaviors from individuals that should definitely result in one leaving, i am not against divorce, i just dont think that divorce should be used so immaturely and just because it is there. because thats how we’ve been led by example, get divorced and remarried a couple of times.
marriage is a guaranteed difficult, laborious, demanding, challenging thing. marriage is also admirable, phenomenal, lovely, pleasing. we signed up for “for better or for worse”. we did. not i. not he. WE. we made the decision to accept one another as we were. we made the decision to raise a family. we made a decision to grow old with one another.
we also remember that we make mistakes. we always will. but we learn form them. we must forgive (i need to forgive). each new day God has blessed us with, should be treated as such. a new day. we need to remind ourselves that marriage is tough and will prove to be so. we also need to relive the good and encourage much more goodness in our lives. we cannot surround ourselves with people who would enjoy nothing more than fail at our marriage, what an abashment. we need to grow stronger as one. we need to support one another. we need to focus on the needs of one another, not those of others, focus on the needs to grow together, to grow in an absolute positive glow. we need to inspire others, our children and each other.
my husband will grab me with dramatic force, only what is seen in the very early black and white movies between 2 passionate lovers…..and whisper to me “…..we will be fine. we will make it….” he whispers it with such certainty and conviction. he kisses my eyelids so gently and softly. he always, i mean always saves the cherry for me from his sundaes. he holds the door open for me, no matter where we go. he calls me while he is at work to tell me he loves me and quickly hangs up, like a young boy and his first crush. he has wiped my tears, numerous times. he faithfully rubbed my feet through every.single.pregnancy. i love the strength of his arms. i love our children that we created together. that we created out of love and nothing could be more pure.
marriage is tough. but it is worth it. realizing, accepting, hope, faith, courage, forgiving and finding those lost butterflies……….