…..glimpse of heaven

5 years ago in november my mother offered to pick me up and head out to buy an outfit….my reply “sure……i suppose” with much hesitation. i didnt want to…..i didnt think i should….i wanted to stay in bed.

it was an outfit for my brothers memorial service.

we took the long way……we went down a tree lined street. one where every.single. tree. was pure perfection. the wood was dark from the soaking of rainfall the night before and the leaves were handcrafted by God himself. the colors were those of an apple orchard…..golden delicious, granny smith, jonagold, red delicious. the veins in the leaves gave such contrast of beauty….they were reaching every which way as if to extend each leaf to its full potential. it was raining too. a soft rain. a still rain. i put my face upon the window to feel the coolness as the rain lightly touched the window. the drops of rain matching my own drops of tears.

everything around me at that very moment was still. my breathing. my heartbeat. my entire world. the rain was quietly falling on the leaves….it was a bit magical….to see tiny drops of rain dancing atop the freshly fallen leaves.

my mom was conversing with me the whole while to which i have no idea what she said. i was nodding in agreement when i thought appropriate and gave the casual replies of “yes” “no” “sure” when i thought they were due. i dont even know what day it was. i dont even remember what day my brothers memorial service was. im good with dates but after november 15th 2009 everything just stopped.

i think of that day often. replaying it my mind over and over again. how placid that moment was. how i know nothing else of that time but that moment. it was a moment where it was just me, even surrounded by others. it was a moment where i caught a mere glimpse of Heaven and what it must be. it was a moment where i understood that no more pain lived in my brothers life. i imagine a young boy on this tree lined street with the colorful leaves and the soft rain and see him dancing as the raindrops did atop the leaves at that moment. no care in the world. just him. just his leaves. just his dancing. his moment.

 

Thoughts Collected

my thoughts collected as of september 1st till now.

early morning rush.

3 hours of homework. 2 of which belong to one child.

sleepless.

coffee driven.

determined.

fall.

leaves.

paint.

laundry.

clean home.

organize.

mischievous baby.

cook.

wishing more hours in the day.

loving myself.

finding my worth.

who am i.

prayers for my children.

prayers for my husband…..prayers for me.

short days.

long nights.

wondering.

wandering.

stubborn.

loving.

life.

what else is there.

need.

Recycle a vintage frame - hang picture using clothes pin on rope. No glass needed - would work great for kid's art work too.

(vickys-home.blogspot.com)

i really like this image. its kinda me. i feel a bit weathered sometimes. tired. lived through seasons and it shows. i wear some of my past. but the winter tree is me too. waiting for something new. to be refreshed. waiting for a new season. waiting to be green. knowing my past and all that i have seen. heard. anticipating more. spreading my branches. reaching out.

xoxo

 

 

autumn, my favorite color

sitting here, friday night, august 29th……only 2 days left of this month. heat is still very much in the air, no evidence just yet of my favorite color, autumn. she will be here soon though. gracefully. artistically. perfectly.

she starts out with a morning chill, flooding one’s mind with childhood play in an orchard. she provides a floor of beauty, the crunch of freshly fallen leaves underfoot. she provides warmth with fresh pressed apple cider, like eclipsing our very being in a wash of velvet or flannel. she brings with her a bloom of colors. certain colors for only a certain time in hopes that we never take advantage of such beauty. we would never grasp such allure if we were surrounded every day. every night. autumn can only stay for awhile. to give us hope. give us promise. give us belief. when she arrives, i shall hold her close to my heart. i will wear autumn. all season long.

boots and yellow leaves

(waterproofvalentines.tumblr.com)

pears with caramelised nuts

(epicureaperture.com)

.

(roostblog.com )

(rainonawindowpane.tumblr.com)

(gujiguji.tumblr.com)

Everything about this picture makes me happy -- from the character of the wood to the pop of green in the leaves to the texture of the burlap.

(feastingathome.com)

Frosty ~ By Mark Bridger

(beautefragile.tumblr.com )

(woolclouds.tumblr.com)

.

(pinterest)

acorns   . @thedailybasics ♥♥♥

(pinterest)

Hunter Boots in fall leaves

(charlestonclass.tumblr.com)

Pumpkin Muffins with a Candied Walnut Streusel | Soft and moist pumpking muffins

(bakersroyale.com)

(journal.florali.com)

More so in New England. Sadly here in Houston...eh.

(pinterest)

Small Home, Big Ideas

after searching and searching (about 70+ homes) myself, a two year old and an 8 month old stumbled upon a home. a home that didnt necessarily thrill me from the looks of the outside. i only agreed to look at the home because it was in the area of another potential home. myself, two children and real estate agent couldnt even step-foot inside due to a miscommunication with the seller, so i looked in any window that allowed a view inside. after looking in about four windows, i called my husband at work and told him that i wanted to make an offer on the home, a home i only saw through windows and he said “let’s do it”.

once i was able to do a walk through….i fell….fell hard. yes the kitchen was painted an awful peach, yes the bathroom tile was the same peach and brown, yes some of the ceilings were covered with gross cardboard tile and there was no central a/c (yes, a luxury that seems to be a must during these california summers).

i have the ability however to see more. i did see those things and perhaps that is why the house was on the market for so long, but what i truly saw were the original heart of pine wood floors, the craftsman style built-ins, the simply fantastic brick fireplace, the antique floor furnace, bay windows, original antique crown molding, i even fell for the quirkiness of the doorways. when others ran, i accepted, i loved, i nurtured.

fast forward 7 years and adding two more children. i must mention this is a two bedroom, ONE BATH home (gasp!!) 80+ in age and 1400 sq.ft. was perfect in size at the time, but it is growing a bit small these days. i have heard a lot over the years from various people who live in the same “cookie-cutter” houses, same sq.footage, no charm, same floor plan, nothing quirky, same gardening scheme, etc. etc. i just cant follow that path folks, that is not where my heart is. my heart belongs to the homes that have been loved and have much more love to give.

lately, quite a bit, we have contemplated moving. more space, new environment, new town, but the same quirkiness and love that we have grown so use to. i dont have it in me to sell my home right now, i have poured everything i have and then some to make this home i have. renting is an option and in the winning, but i even have a hard time with that. i dont want random people in and out, people who dont quite appreciate the memories made in this home, people who dont care for this home like they should….like i do. ughh, whats a girl to do?!

i was cruising pinterest and you know, there are so many lovely spaces! i need to add the photos that im totally digging in this post. there is so much inspiration out there and whether i rent or sell, these are ideas that are totally keeping me up at night. while im here, i will continue to make my space, our space, more livable and enjoyable, no matter how small.

From the Living With Kids Home Tour featuring Kat Hertzler.

(designmom.com)

i adore the huge chalkboard. i painted a section of a wall in the kitchen with chalkboard paint and it is used almost daily, anything from shopping lists to drawings from the kids. i love the painted legs of the table and how the top is kept rustic. mason jars with chalkboard tags? yes

Cool window...

(countryliving.com)

i love white…..i truly love it. a little known fact about my home…majority of it is white, by my own accord and it is completely doable with 4 kids. the white in this room with exposed wood, i dont think it gets any better and the use of the shelving from the wood, a total space saver.

texture
(vintage-house blog on pinterest)

a tall, slender cabinet like this is perfect for my home to provide more storage. once again, the white is the perfect shade and really makes the aqua color on the wheels pop. the flooring is way cool and provides a softer element with all of the heavenly chipped paint.

texture

(pinterest)

i really want something like this for the kids crafts and such. super cool

texture

(decor8blog)

this one too….pure goodness. and a huge mirror which allows a room to appear larger.

f r e n c h  f a r m h o u s e

(pinterest)

i really love the idea of getting a big ‘ol work table, pulling up a couple of benches and calling it a day. the table above has a pull out drawer, how handy to have and put silverware, napkins etc. complete with a simple flower arrangement. definitely my style.

-

(jacquelynclark.com)

this little space is perfect. having a small awkward space is not uncommon in older homes. however, smaller spaces should not go un-noticed or be neglected. this is perfect for a little office area or homework station. add a couple of plants, some vintage coffee cans for crayons, pencils, etc.

Beautiful Bedroom

(countryliving)

more built-ins and more tones of white.

(feedly.com)

so, this perfect. i have nothing else to say.

bathroom

(pinterest)

the sink is rad. it reminds me of a quiche dish and i love the table base. rustic wood. snow white brick. fixtures attached to the wall. love

love the rustic look of the wood

(savvyhomeblog.com)

great storage. great sink. great fixtures. great colors. i adore this space

 

i could add many more photos, but i will stop here. xoxoxo

im a dreamer. a believer. i am. my surroundings may not always allow it though. for as long as i can remember being a dreamer is kinda my thing. my very being wouldnt be content any other way. "a DREAM is a WISH your HEART makes" - cinderella

(pinterest)

 

a dreamer has the ability to become lost. i need to be lost sometimes for this is when i truly find myself. a good book. a mysterious door leading to somewhere enchanted. or sitting alone and collecting my thoughts. all of these are a bit like possessing a magic wand.

with a wave of my magic wand

(barbara cb)

a magic wand taking you where you want to go. where you want to be.

i quite often have this image that im running, not for “for my life” running, but perhaps playing a game of catch with my littles. we are so content. laughing. my girls wearing a crown of forest moss and wildflowers. and my boys with their makeshift bow & arrows from the findings of wood on the forest floor. all are barefoot, feeling refreshed from the morning dew on the velvet ground, covered with all sorts of moss.

Woodland Newborn halo Photo Prop Moss and flower head wrap

(greybirdnest on Etsy)

its the same dream……quite often. i flourish when im lost. my creativity flows. i move to a different rythym. gracefully and quick like a fawn.

Story Inspiration: A girl with light auburn hair and freckles stared at me. I looked at her, from the ground where Quint had left me. She began to grow antlers from her head. Then her face took form of a snout. Slowly, she transformed into a deer. Not a fully grown one. Just a fawn. She stared at me again with beady, deer eyes, then galloped away.

(pinterest)

i see my own babes have inherited this lost nature. at times it prohibits them from accomplishing simple things. but they are pure. they are fresh. so when the nature for becoming lost calls them….they go. without a care in the world. and i simply love it. i love it because they understand what it means to dream. how does one accomplish such greatness without a dream?

you need to dream. to believe. to put faith in. to be lost.

 

…….

the inevitable is happening….right now, this very second. my babes are growing up. we know this is bound to happen, but maybe not quite aware how rapid. my heart is a bit anxious, worried, excited, heavy even? i have 4 “thems” and 3 of them head off to school next week. i know, i know, my babes are so young but honestly, i dont want to picture them as adults just yet, i want them to be kids, i want them to enjoy life in the genuine matter that kids can only seem to do. i dont want them to experience a world just yet plagued with problems that they just cant grasp, besides the basic algebra. is that wrong of me. i dont particularly think so. i will now have a new school babe, fresh off to kindergarten….and that is where my heavy heart comes in. i became a stay at home mom when i was pregnant with her, so she has never experienced daycare, nor has she experienced pre-school….i am, to say the least, heartbroken. and i can tell she is nervous, so of course i play it cool, tell her all the amazing things she will learn and all the friends she will make, but what if? what if every.single.kid in that school doesnt like her, like they absolutely should (in my opinion anyhow =). what if she gets made fun of because she cant quite pronounce her r’s. what if she has an accident at school because she fogets to use the restroom. so many concerns and thoughts and it only gets worse as the day approaches. and i may or may not would be okay with getting a call before school starts, that the school is no longer, forcing the kids to stay home with me (because apparently there is no other school they could go to in my mind haha, no logic there folks) my husband tells me all will be okay, she will do perfectly but its just in our nature to worry, to make sure every gosh darn thing goes perfectly and smoothly, even if i have to give the stink-eye to the kids who you just know are sketchy characters (yikes, i just said that!)

with this, i add a new 4th grader and 2nd grader to the mix. lilli (the new 2nd grader) is crazy excited, she has informed me countless times she wishes she could go to summer school. she is so book smart. however, she is excited to add to her ever growing list of friends. definitely dubbed ms. popular and she is what you would imagine i suppose pink.glitter.talk.smile.witty.personality.totally rad.

xzavier, x-man, x to the z, zave, whatever his nickname is for the day, he is my new 4th grader. and i.hate.it. hear me out and mothers of sons im sure you already know why. he is growing up. he has taken a liking to a couple of girls (i comletely just got sick typing that) i refuse to openly acknowledge it because also in my world, i shall be the only woman for him. he is my heart. him and i are crazy alike so it is not always fantastic when we are together. he made me a mother. he allowed a part of my soul to open to accept true love. he loves with his whole heart and i pray to God he will never lose that.

so, this is essentially my last week with just us for awhile. it will be sparrow and i. and for sparrow, i feel sad. he has counted on his siblings waking up each morning with him, loving him like a bunch of maniacs, spoiling him like i have never seen in my life and then one day, he wont have that, he will be stuck with me for 6 hours. my poor baby.

i am excited for my little loves, the journey of growing and helping them along the way, but it would be an absolute lie if i said i wasnt worried, afraid, concerned, protective and everything else that comes along with being a mama.

i already miss them

applehill2013 (2)

 

applehill2013 (15)

kids (6)

kids (36)

laketahoejuly2012 (4)

xzavier

(this was my guy when he was 4, now he’s 9….and this was his smile)

kidsjuly1st2014 (2)

(my girls, my new 2nd grader and my new kindergartener)

sparrow (7)

(sparrow at 4 days old)

sparrownov (4)

(sparrow at 5 months)

sparrowjune2014 (5)

(sparrow present day)

 

i need to find baby, baby pictures of my other loves….for this is how they will forever remain in my mind. i will surely miss our summer, lazy days, park trips, late movie nights, ice cream sundaes for dinner and so many other memories that i will hold very close until the next summer arrives to add more memories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Owls & Overalls

2 words…..2 words that excite me. I know the owl theme has been around for awhile and I have thought their “cute” but would not inherit here in my home decor choice because everyone has them or uses them. Then, the popularity kinda fell flat and thankfully it did, because now I’m really diggin’ the style……there are owl candles, bedding, pottery, masks, etc. and I find myself not purposely looking, but they find a way into my home. Chic way to decorate for Fall too.

For the 2nd word….overalls. They have made a comeback in a B I G way and that folks, totally gets me thrilled. I have forever and ever loved overalls and was completely okay that I was the only one who liked them. When I was younger, I faithfully rocked my grams’ vintage Ben Davis overalls……A L L * T H E * T I M E.

2 things on my Fall must-haves Owls & Overalls.

Graphic Owl Duvet  http://fab.com/sale/2653/product/53815/

(fab.com)

Gorgeous Mask.  VELVET OWL MASK by TheseWoods on Etsy, $389.00

(thesewoods on Etsy)

I don't care if it makes me the biggest hipster in the world to admit this: I love these plates.There. I said it.

(west elm)

Found this and had to pin it somewhere. Lol. I think I'm in love #owl teapot love

(anthropologie)

In a range of colorful holders, these Filled Owl Candles add a woodsy scent to any room in your home.

(west elm)

Knitted owl.... no directions, but if you are familiar with cables, you could prob figure it out. Many owl patterns on Ravelry, but don't have the seed stitch in the "body" like this one does.

(knitculture.com)

Plante Spring 2014 Overalls | Henry Happened

(henryhappened.com)

love

(pinterest)

Ulla Johnson Spring 2014

(ulla johnson)

love

(asos)

embracing the #overall @Blair R Eadie // Atlantic Pacific #spring2014 #bloggersweheart

(dianiboutique.com )

Free People Washed Corduroy Overall

(free people)

love

(pinterest)

 

Im really jonesin for owls & overalls….xoxoxo

Lost….

I have this feeling of being “lost”….looking all around for that familiarity that I once knew. How did I lose my way? Would it make sense that doing routine things everyday, things that would appear familiar creates some sort of lost feeling.

What exactly did I lose….myself I suppose…..and I think that perhaps it’s okay when raising a family. I want to feel something…..have you ever had the slightest paper cut that by habit you would put slight pressure on just to feel the wound, to know that you can feel? I have……

I have been wanting so much to feel God wrap His love around me…….my whole being, to feel tingles because His love encompasses me so……I need and crave it. I have had quite a few convos with the Big Man upstairs as of late…..help me find my way….show me, dont allow me to become lost……..

I stopped looking for the familiar and just decided that hey, I’m kind of a lost soul, I didn’t want to be one, I dont want to raise my children while Im not even sure of who I am……but today, without looking, something familiar, something I once knew came back to me

There were trees outside with honeysuckle pink blossoms dancing like ballerinas, dancing to a song that the wind created as the light wind rustled through the leaves, a song that only nature could create, a song that was pure perfection. As I walked closer the scent of these blossoms filled me, filled me to the brim and it created an apparent smile that wasnt worth hiding from anyone….you see, the scent was my Grams, it was her….The smell was so familiar, it was a mixture of euphoric, magical, peaceful.

With the hue and scent also came along was a sense of calm….I was still within myself, allowing myself to just be, to recognize who I am and what I will be. I will have my own song that nature will create for me and my own dance to follow suit. I will not be lost, but positively free….I will enhance the teachings to my children, not to lose sight of who they are and who they will become…..they will become something…..and I will become the illustration to show them how.

Thank you God……thank you Grams for the song and dance

 

DREAM GARDEN

(Kiara de Krosse via Pinterest)

She Got Style……

I guess Im on this style kick right now…..My last post was geared towards the interiors of homes and I want to continue, but focus on what I wear (or wish I could for that matter) I mentioned in my last post that I love so many different styles and it is no different when it comes to fashion.

I must say what I absolutely love is when someone asks me “Where did you get your Top?” “Your shoes are totally rad, where’d you buy ‘em?” No joke, 80% of the time my answer is usually a thrift store of some sort or clearance. I have 4 babes and a hubby, so lets be real…this mama takes the back seat when it comes to buying something “new” besides, I love the hunt, but really love that style can be achieved on a budget! Take notes folks….you want a bargain? Look for it….you’ll find it.

One thing to always remember there is almost, always a cheaper version of the expensive version, that goes for home decor and clothing and not talking cheaply made, just talking price tags here.

Goodwill for instance, receives a large amount of product from Target, that being their main supplier and not sure if you have one in your town, but here we have a shop called Crossroads…Im talking BCBG, Dior, Chanel and some boutique names from about $4. Im not a “brand” kind of a girl, but speaking in truth, I do feel a bit glamorous if I have Banana Republic pure silk dress (with price tag of a couple of hundred still on the dress) but paid $10. Check it out! On that note, here are some styles that are totally achievable thrifting and clearance-ing.

 

love

 

(treasuresandtravelsblog.com)

 

love

 

(pinterest)

love

 

(angelsstyle)

love

(nicolerichie)

love

(pinkdeer.com.au)

love

(brook linder)

tina givens couture

(tinagivenscouture.blogspot.com)

love

 

(imgur.com)

love

(lolobu.com)

love

(pinterest)

love

 

(modernlegacy.blogspot.com)

love

 

(refinery29.com)

 

So I have something very similiar if not the same thing in every picture that I paid no more than $20 (and that is a splurge for me) I dont get to often, but if I see that perfect scarve, statement necklace, incredible flats, totally rad clutch, my sweet, adoring, patient, kind-hearted (totally buttering him up right now) husband gives me the go ahead. I would love to know what is your style? What cant you live without? Favorite hotspots for great bargains? Enjoy!

Creating Style…….

There is style E V E R Y W H E R E. I am forever inspired. Not just by the big picture either. The placement of a rooms interiors…..for instance, V E L V E T. soft & plush. When I look at a room that has completely caught my eye, I review every.single.thing….I study all of it. You see a pretty room…..Im looking at the chipped paint on the walnut bed frame or pehaps the exposed brick blending seemingly with the pecan flooring. I dont have one “style” I have so many and love that so many blogs can be found depicting such….I love French Farmhouse, Boho Chic, Industrial Chic, etc. I love mixing old with new, I love using passed down favorites, thrift store finds and new sea glass.

I want to have a place where all is accepted, where all will fit in, no matter what the style may be. We should find the inspiration in all….we are bound to admire something that another favors. It would be nice to have a blog where one feels comfortable in expressing what makes their heart sing, instead of sitting back and wishing we would speak up as it may not please the fellow blogger whose style we admire so much….We crave the attention of others in hopes we receive their approval, when really all we need is our own approval of our own design.

Here are some inspirational photos I am completely crushing on. You should really study each photo…what first catches your eye? what makes your heart sing?

 

 

 

texture

(Atlanta Bartlett)

texture

(CouleurLocale.eu)

 

texture

 

(unknown source)

 

texture

(pinterest)

 

F A R M H O U S E  L O V E

(hviturlakkris.blogspot)

 

 

 

F A R M H O U S E  L O V E

(vintageinteriorblogs.blogspot.com)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

F A R M H O U S E

(ericolsendesign.com)

 

F A R M H O U S E  L O V E

(mylovelythings.blogspot.com)

 

I feel like I can stare at these photos for hours minutes on end and find something new every time. I feel each photo. I feel it in my bones….How fantastic would it be to have exposed brick in your home? Exposed beams (swoon)? Architectual windows as headboards, rustic grainsacks with plush velvet? Knitted throws calming a rust colored chair? Sea glass and pure white? I love it all. Take a girl like me and throw me in one of these photos….and I will purposely lose myself, perhaps add a layer or two of more imagination…..pure bliss is what these interiors showcase for me….